LIVE YOUR TRUTH: THE TRUTH ABOUT MY KINKY LIFE

There was truth
There was consequence
Against you, a weak defense
Then there's me, I'm seventeen
Looking for a fight – 30 Seconds to Mars

Once upon a time, back in 2007 when I was Seventeen I came into the world of BDSM. Inquisitive, full to the brim with unexpressed shadows and daring to explore the boundaries, and the edges of life, I stepped into a world unknown and dangerous with full intensity with and a turbulent mind ready to explore the deviance, darkness and magic of the lifestyle.

This was the era of suppression and expression for me. Winding paths leads to tough choices. Parts of my ‘good girl’ – ‘nice girl’ personality rose to the surface, and went through a series of entropy as my childhood and teenage expectations of myself, and my life at large died and I decided I wanted to live under the thumb of men. It was safe having someone make choices for me, it was easy to be told what to do, when to do it and how to think. I’d been doing in most of my life and it seemed a natural progression.

Only budding under the surface was a Wild Woman, a rebellious, intuitive, instinctive woman with a voice, a purpose, a passion and a fiery nature that was gagging to be released.

Midway through those years I ended up switching the tables and becoming a Dominatrix. It was a natural progression, although my experience with abusive partners and unhealthy connections [all reflections of my inner landscape] lead me to disconnect from men and women in all areas of my life. My Dominatrix role was just that, a role, and while I swindled away hundreds of dollars, and found countless connections I soon realized that it was merely a way for me to have the power over my shadows, and other peoples and that the temptation to use others shadows as a way to manipulate and control was a catalyst for further probing into the unconscious mind.

In those strange and dysfunctional dynamics I did find myself. I learned lessons the hard way. I stripped back parts of myself to suit other people, and then stripped them again to find myself. I started to say no. I began to stand up for my beliefs and values and rewrite them so that they were in alignment with my entire being, not a subservient and confused part of myself that mimicked the little girl in me screaming for acceptance, and understanding. I grew a backbone and from that back bone I grew wings.

When I started getting clear about myself and worked through a lot of my family dynamics, past life relationships, feelings of earthliness, worth and self love, I came out of the other side deathly scared of the raw, unhinged and damaging side of BDSM, only when I was on the outside, looking inside did I realize that it could be one of the most beautiful, and expanding paths to self expression, balancing polarity, pushing my own boundaries and discovering who I truly am and that the only true person I could ever fear is myself.

I found my playful, kinky, cheeky switch and I discovered that there is magic in the life.

Working as a Witch and finding the path in my life that had always called me, the way BDSM has always called me, assisted me through the transition. There was a lot of sexual, relationship, dynamic healing that I went through and worked on with the assistance of my path working, deity connection and ritual releasing. I also honed my passion, elemental energy and sacred feminity alongside my masculinity to discover that I am a being of polarities that is in constant shift, in constant motion and evolution. Through the magic of my practices, and the magical energy of BDSM and sexuality, I am beginning this journey to acceptance and integration.

WALK INTO THE FEAR – WALK INTO LIFE – ACCEPT THAT DANGER IS A POLARITY OF SAFETY – THAT ONLY WHEN YOU CAN WALK TO THE EDGE CAN YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR EDGES ARE.

This blog post marks the first of many in where I step into my driving principle of living my truth, and living in my Authentic Bliss. It is a marking of a shift in consciousness and perspective and an awakening in my pathway to sharing this humbling, delicious, juicy and amazing aspect of my magical life. I hope that those who do read it do so with an open heart, an open mind and receptivity and if you can’t I wish you the willingness one day to do so.