My Book Habits & Seven Books I Still Haven't Finished [Yet]

With the uncovering of a deeper story embedded illusion Books- A Recover of a Life Long Love I decided to look to my shelves and take a look at what I have been attempting to read over the past Six months. I was surprised to notice a few things about each of the books I was reading and today I am going to share with you the last line of each of the books I am currently reading, will be starting again and which ones I will put on the top of my pile. First though lets take a look at some of my bookish habits...

As an avid reader at heart I will admit that there is some eye rolling going on in my creative space. I used to be a reader who could knock out 80 books a year and yet if you asked me what I can remember about those books I can tell you little about them.

I don’t really like the term T.B.R [to be read] because it induces this weird fear in me that I will never get the damn pile down to a manageable selection. [Which to be honest I never will] I prefer just to call it my reading pile. My reading pile at present consists of around five plastic crates full of books and a room with a three bookshelves mostly filled with Non-Fiction books.

Let’s not even mention my Kindle...okay maybe I will...WE HAVE NO SECRETS HERE. I have had two Kindles in my life span as an electo nerd and the last one held upwards of 600 unread books, thankfully my new Kindle holds only 130.  I love my Kindle almost as much as I love my physical copies, but not enough that I could ever go 100% digital.

I used to be a Booktuber and reviewed books for publishing companies like Penguin, Carina Press and Harlequin Teen alongside Austin Macauley and other Indie authors. I ended up leaving the community and reviewing because this damn TBR pile got out of hand and I was buying more books than reading them. I also am a slow reader and can usually only read one book a week. [Finish]

I can read multiple books at once; in fact I prefer it that way. When I just read one I end up getting twitchy. This is due to me being a mood reader and my tastes change dramatically. I also read a lot of series and by read a lot of series I mean start the first book of about 100 series and forget about the second. The only full series I have actually finished to date is the Born Wicked Trilogy by Jessica Spotswood.

I want to acknowledge The Bards Lament for inspiring the idea around book sentences in her recent post. To be read - First Sentence Showdown

Taliesin was in the best of moods as he places his arm around his pupil and accompanied him inside. “It would seem there be much to celebrate at Aberffraw this night” Page 466 -The Ancient Future – Traci Harding.

Kerrick backhanded me across my cheek. The force of the blow sent me to the ground.  Page 41  - Touch of Power – Maria V Snyder

The natural state of the universe unmanifest...Susan still didn’t know what that meant. Page 77 – The Night Season – Chelsea Cain

“Bloody pain,” she said, trying to thread the needle one more time.”  Page 78 – The Eye of the Sheep – Sofie Laguna

Jacob was the one diagnosed, but I might as well have Asperger’s, too.” Page 50  - House Rules – Jodi Picoult

After today they’ll be no place for me to hide. At least not in the real world.  Page 14 – Elusion – Claudia Gabel and Cheryl Klam

Neeve had to be wrong. She would never fall in love with one of them. Page 64 -The Raven Boys – Maggie Stievater 

Books - A Recovery of a Life Long Love

The tears swell as I write this post.

I am alone in my room.

In my room, yes that is what it is now that my relationship with the old me, the old us, the old life has now ended. I feel like I am crossing the threshold, nearing that gate where I know that once I step through it, this part of my life has really ended.

I am alone and the term ‘divorce’ keeps beating around in my head.

Once upon a time it used to be our room, our bed, our life and now this is just mine. It is my life as a single woman. A single woman who is undergoing a complete life transformation, not just from this relationship alone.

This has been a long burning, long time coming overhaul and death. It is the death of so many parts of my life that I have wanted to burn and been burning since I was sixteen and I held the angry blade to my skin because I had my notebook taken away from me, my autonomy dictated to me and I had the only salvation keeping me alive [ books] removed from me. I had my sanity lobotomised.

How do you get that back?

Once upon a time our bedroom was filled with books and our life was filled with books and our days and nights were filled with trips to the bookstore, reading by the river, late night sessions till the early morning and days in bed reading together with the blankets pulled up tight and a pot of tea. Reading was OUR THING...it was the thing that united us from the get go, our passion for words, for worlds and for escape.

I didn’t want to touch a fiction book when the first realisation of upcoming death came and whispered in my ear. “You need to leave him. This is toxic”

I didn’t want to take my pile of new books to the bedroom, spend hours in bed, escaping to fantasy lands, magickal places, seeking treasure within the pages. “You can’t live in a fantasy land. You need to be realistic,” my ego would say. The voice was that scared part of me, my inner child that was clawing at the bookshelves while my survivor instincts dragged me by the feet back to a constant state of alert anxiety.

I didn’t want to admit that I missed that part of our relationship more than most of it and that I had tied this one thing that I loved [probably more than humans honestly] to someone.

I never knew how deeply ingrained it had become entwined with the way I saw myself in our relationship together and my relationship with myself, alone, until shit hit the fan and I became resistant to everything that reminded me of him.

I would start books and put them down. Not knowing what was going on beneath everything that was unfolding.

Was it me? Was I lazy? Had I fallen out of love with the pleasure of reading?
Was I unfocused?

I knew that I had trouble focusing without going down memory lane. It was deeper than that though. It went beyond this ‘divorce’ and was steeped in the truth that I had already begun ‘divorcing’ parts of myself while I was in this relationship in order to protect it, to keep it safe and alive. All my energy had to go to this charade. I had to be on alert, both for chances of me slipping up and chances where the winds could change and I would need a safe place to go to.

Books were not my safe place anymore and when I finally got clear of the toxicity and it started to bleed out and awaken me to many of the paths that needed healing, by then I thought it was too late to go back. I thought that my relationship with the pages was as good as gone and that it wouldn’t have me anymore. like a comforting parent, or a best friend, or an adventure I had left behind to pursue this relationship. I was wrong. I am wrong. Reading has always been there, it’s just been me who was scared to come back.

I am alone in my room.

The tears have stopped and I realise now what I need to do to regain my sanity.

My life right now is about radical recovery. It is about regaining the parts of me that are core to my heart and live within every sinew of my being. Reading lives in the marrow. I couldn’t chisel it out of me, even if I tried. Words are etched on my bones and their whispers live in my blood and I know that if I give them the chance to build that relationship anew again that they will provide me with the chance to rebuild my ideas around pleasure and facing my fears. When I don’t read I become a monster to myself. My shadows trick me; they play games of illusion to keep me low down and dishonest with myself.

 Fuck the monsters. Let books hold a mirror to them and through them I will continue my path to honouring my wholeness. 

Dialogue Spread [The Bards Lament]

When The Bards Lament shared this spread on her page I knew I had to give it a go.  I had been contemplating the idea around beginning a Fan-Fiction ( something I haven’t written in quite a while) and I decided this would be a great way to uncover what could play out if I put these two characters and fictional worlds together.

For this spread I have used the Wild Wood Tarot to uncover the underlining larger dialogue that will be playing out throughout the story. This is the  Fan-Fiction piece I am planning on working on that features a series cross-over of TEEN WOLF and SUPERNATURAL.  I love of these shows for their mythology and their storytelling.

Disclaimed: I do now own any of the fictional T.V characters. All rights reserved to the creators. This spread was explored for a work fiction around a story that I do not intend to be publishing.

(Wild Wood Tarot Deck )

CARD ONE: The sun surface conversation -What are they talking about & What are the apparent motivations? – ECXTASY AND RESPECT

In the forest Stiles is going to meet Dia [Based on the Irish Forest Goddess Flidias] She will be dancing in a candle lit circle, conjuring up the energy of the earth, using her magick in a way that her older Brothers [Sam and Dean] have no idea that she is capable of using, in fact they don’t even know what she does in secret. Around her neck are animal skulls and teeth and Stiles notices that some of them look are werewolves teeth, outraged and intrigued he steps into the clearing. In a matter of minutes he is feelings the full force of her sexual energy, her creativity as it rises from the earth and ripples through him. He has never felt anything like it. He wants to leave, but...

He is pulled into confronting her and starting a conversation about why she has Wolf Teeth around her neck?

What she is doing in the middle of the forest?

Who she is?

Where did she come from?

Challenging her own path Dia is confronted with Stiles who is a protector of his own sacred Brotherhood of Wolves. While not a Wolf himself, he supports his Brothers Derek, Scott and Isaac as an initiated Druid and protector of the forest. He is aware that the Winchester family has long been hunting their kind and has been able to ward them off for centuries until Dia breaks through the threshold. Together they explore the idea of respect, family and what it means to protect the ones we love while listening to our intuition and following the threads and pull of human love.

A lot of their conversations will revolve around what creates family.

What does family mean to them?

How does that change over time given the shifts in perception and their paths as protectors of animals and nature [the laws of nature, magick, energy, death, cycles]

What does it mean to protect yourself and live your own life?

Stiles grows to have a deep respect for Dia because he understands what it means to become a part of something bigger than yourself and to still want to honour the parts of you outside of it.

CARD TWO: The moon-what is going on beneath the surface (conveyed in tone, pauses, and body language)? PROTECTION

Since Scott is a fresh newborn Wolf, Stiles and Derek need to protect him. Dia want’s to protect her Brothers too. Coming together brings new understanding, passion, vitality and cause to their connection. When Dia’s Brothers reject her cause and Stiles Brothers don’t trust the Hunters it is up to the two of them to find a way to keep their families safe and united. Together they will explore ETHICS – BOUNDARIES & BELIEFS and what it means to be compassionate.

CARD THREE: The Star-what element can be added to this conversation to make it sparkle? – THE WHEEL

The Sun and Moon [Male and Female unite] alone they are powerful, together they can create a new way of life, evolution and law. Everyone has to change at some point in their existence and while they wear their fate around their necks the deeper conversation is around ‘choosing your own destiny, your own path’. It is about asking questions, talking about their life and unravelling a connection that is mental, spiritual and sexual.  The spark comes when together their power combined can create a better future for all involved.

It helped me to figure out the underlining conversations that were going to be important throughout the overall story. I’ve never really paid much consideration to the effects of dialogue because I feel like it comes more naturally to me, and yet this spread really gives a great indication of how I can make dialogue more powerful and have a deeper focus running throughout the story.

*Thank you Larissa [The Bards Lament] *

Creating a Character/Deity Journal

Do you see your characters as real people?

Do you enjoy having conversations with them in your head, reading books relating to their interests, taking classes to learn their skills?

Do you dream about their journeys, spend time fantasising about their relationships and pondering how they might react to situations outside of the story and within it?

 What if you could find a tool that both expands your own creativity and opens a portal into the life of your character?

Wonderful news my fellow writers there is ...

Introducing

THE CHARACTER JOURNAL 

(Here are a few of my Journals)

A Character Journal is a Journal written in the perspective of your character or characters. It is a little different from a character profile or scenes in your story featuring your character.

Sounds pretty basic right? But where do you start? What could to put in the Journal?

 Fear not writer friends, here are MY TOP THREE IDEAS about how to build the foundations of your Character Journal and THREE SUGGESTIONS about what you could create within its pages.

I am not known for plotting and creating a Story Bible/Book of Shadows in a chronological way. I find that creating as I go and being able to explore a diverse terrain of creative tools and techniques allows me to not only navigate and keep track of the story I am creating, it also allows me to reach out and delve into the psychology and behaviour of my characters and how they relate to themselves and the world around them.

Here are the top techniques I have used when it comes to laying the foundations for creating my character journal.

Use Pinterest and magazines- First to find images of your chosen Character – ones that most represent qualities, traits, physical appearances, their likes and dislikes and then find images to inspire you to build a world around them. These could be photo's or artwork that represents their ideas of their location, favourite places, colour, music, objects.

Draw your character – I would recommend you start drawing them from your own mind. It doesn’t matter if they don’t look ‘polished’ you are looking for raw sketches. 

Then look at your character, what or who do they represent? Are they an Elf Dragon, Supernatural Hunter, a Baker, Police man? Find drawing tutorials on the things that they represent. There are a number on Pinterest, or online if you are looking for specifics.

Here are a few to get you started

Figure Drawing : Figure Drawing Class

Fantasy Worlds: http://www.stormthecastle.com/fantasyartschool/

Goddess: http://www.willowing.org/summer-series/

For example in my novel they are in the military – I would look for how to draw badges, weapons,  uniforms and gadgets. 

In another story I am working on my character is a forest mage. For him a potion bottle, a Book of Shadows, Animal totems or sigil tattoos and trees would be things that help me to distinguish how I see him and more importantly – How he sees himself.

(Example of my Character Sketch)

Create or use a Spread – In the same way we interview Tarot Decks take the time to interview your characters current position as they begin their journey. You can start in the middle of action or on the sidelines, in the story itself or outside of it to gain a better understanding of the things that occupy your characters mind.

 It can be a large or small spread. 

I personally like to stick with three card spreads using image heavy decks like:

       Japaradize

 Druid Craft

Tarot of the Sidhe

Tarot of Vampyres

( Druidcraft Deck - Published by Llewellyn Publishing)

This would be a great time to ask them about their shadows [below is a quick shadow spread I created to understand what I was looking at beyond the physicality of the character]

Here are some more suggestions of things your character could explore in their journal.

Write about their dreams [Aspirations and Sleeping Dreams]: have your character keep a dream journal where they explore alternative lives, realities and ponder their subconscious mind. These can be powerful when it comes to writing your story or  even connecting with your Character/Deity in the ASTRAL.

Create a map or parts of a map where they are travelling to: You could draw a map of their town, of their city or the entire world. Start with where they are currently and their surroundings. 

Are they in the woods, city, country? Is it an urban, fantastical, science-fiction or contemporary setting?

 This is where image of places come in handy. My novel is set in a Military compound that is divided up into four sections and throughout the story they venture to three different towns. I also have a map for an underground tunnel that used to be where people lived when war was waging above ground.

( Map of my Underground Tunnel)

Talk about how they see other characters:  In the same way that we can use a Journal to reflect about our relationship with the world around us, our characters can use their journals to do the same.

The most effective form of reflecting from the characters perspective that I have found to work in my practice is to set a timer for a certain period of time and free-write. Just listen. 

I have been surprised many times by the things that my characters say and how they feel about a certain character that later on I have been able to use in the story itself as sub-text or to accelerate momentum in my story.

I believe one of the most important aspects of creating believable characters that are real, raw and fleshed out people, is to know what is going on in their mind, in the shadows and to unravel that out in their secret space.  

Looking for Inspiration? Use any reference books you have

·        You can have them write letters that are never sent.

·        Talk about unrequited love or the throes of their blossoming relationship.

·        Listen to what they have to say about the environment they are currently in and how it reflects the environment they grew up in [are some places more triggering than others?]

        What about Animal totems, Deity or Spirit guides ? Characters have their own spiritual or religious beliefs. 

  What would their Deity or Spirit Guide say to them?

 Who would they connect with and why?

 If they don’t have a spiritual belief listen to what they have to say about that and ask yourself how would that affect their character in the role they play in your story?

These are just a few of my ideas that have worked for me and that I am excited to explore in my own creative process. Each of these suggestions alone can add depth to the character you are creating and assist in developing a relationship with them inside and outside your story or practice. You will be spending a long time with your Character or Diety and being able to approach your connection in different ways can only enhance and deepen your understanding and reverence for them. 

Beginning my Journey of Astral Projection

I am not a scientist; I am an artist, a pagan practising witch who wishes to explore the diversity that the universe has to offer by connecting with my conscious and unconscious mind. My beliefs and experiences are that, MINE and I share them with others for the purposes of community, inspiration, curiosity and learning.  Go out there and seek your own journeys.

I have not experienced an OBE or shifting of my body since I was in my early and late teens, and each time I did it has been without the understanding of what was happening, the belief’s I hold now and the support from community, resource material and societal fear feeding each time was a traumatic event. 

I am blessed to be living in a world where information is freely offered, shared, and can be obtained for my own personal use and practice and to share my experiences with others. When it comes to Dreams and the Astral world it has always been a fascination of mine since I could write and draw. I remember keeping an art journal with pasted pictures and stories about U.F.O’s and dream interpretations from magazines and books. I knew from an early age what caught my attention and what I wanted to work with and would spend hours awake at night decoding my dreams with one of my grandmothers dream dictionaries.

Now at 25 a new adventure is calling me. It has been in my conscious mind for the past few years to dedicate a practice to exploring the astral landscape and what I may find within it. The intent was strong, yet my flame was weak. I was trapped in a cycle of fear and not ready to attempt to walk the lines to the edge.  I am now ready to take the steps, to read and experiment and I dare to explore the possibilities that exist in this physical body and outside of it.

Recently I picked up Astral Projection for Psychicempowerment. I knew I would want to reflect on my first thoughts so I decided to jump right in and begin, as one of the manta’s I live by has always been...

START WHERE YOU ARE

Image taken outside my house

I realised while reading through the first few pages of the book that I had been writing scenes in my journals, meditations and most inexplicably in my story [the novel] that reflected the inner journey that was begging to be undertaken. I started highlighting passages, thinking about where I had come in my life and the parallels between where my Main character in the story I am working on has an ethereal body that reaches out to other people and shifts sway from her revealing another side of her. Just the same as I do, an Astral double, a part of me in a different form.

In the world I am creating what I have uncovered is that some people see this as a weapon and others see it as a gift. I realised from my recent experiences, and those of early adulthood that I have experienced shifting and that I  have  been ‘Dream Travelling' for a long time.

This gift is innate  to my character too. It it is innate to me and to all humans. It was when I heard these words and felt them sink into my being that it hit me...this dual life that I was living through dreams and story independently and alongside my character was closer than I imagined.

In my chapters I can see her experience of time shifts, premonitions, alternative realities and doors opening up and I am listening. She has been telling me, showing me all along that this was how she evolved and see’s the world.  

With this awareness, an awakening occurred and I received a strong intuitive message that alerted that all the dream work I am doing now, and research I am learning about has been establishing a deeper connection with my higher guide. This was the seed I needed, the one I had been working towards. It was the awakening of new questions and vivid curiosities that has kept me awake and aided me in the decision to take the story deeper, both creatively and personally. To begin my intentional journey with Astral projection.

It’s nearing dawn and I am awake. The correlations to my fears around travelling and leaving my physical body are now raised in my consciousness and once there, like most shadows that slowly become illuminated through time and constant self reflection my awareness will not allow it to dissipate.

 Once you know you can question something, you can’t forget it.

All of it has led up to this point we’re time and time again I mention travel, ships, walls and lapses and find her [Vesper] in my Journal telling me about her life, her world, her body. I knew it was only a matter of time before she would find me. I know now that both our stories are integral and needed in my practice and her connection with me. Now I am alert...

It makes me wonder what I would find if I went looking, searching and exploring.

How do I know that she is not visiting me, sitting behind her own computer or whatever form holds communication for her, scribing my life story as we assist each other?

The truth is I don’t, but I can journey to find answers to just one of the hundreds of questions buzzing around in my head that have come through my unconscious mind into story or non-fiction form, and things I would like to experience.

I think the main branching questions that my unconscious is asking and bringing to the surface right now are WHAT IF & WHY NOT?

What if I can’t do this
What if I can’t face this?What if I can’t relax enough? WHAT IF I CANWHAT IF I AMWHAT IF I WILL

I mean think about it Netflix or journeying the Astral world?

 A few episode marathons or a chance to practice, play, create and connect with the unknown?

One of the things that scares me admittedly is knowing that my whole perception of life after death will be cracked open. I think I cling to the old paradigm as a safety net. I have since I was a teenager living in a family where death was neglected as am open conversation. So when I lay there at night having flashback memories, OBE and sleep paralysis what the fuck was I meant to think. I would tell my family about them and they would recoil. 

 It is one of the reasons I walk the path with a DEATH GODDESS and experience loss continuously consciously. It it is a path I need to understand. One where I need to remind myself takes time.

 It takes to build a practice, to step into a physical shift on this plane. I need to give myself the same willingness to experiment, to fail and succeed and to know that whatever the outcome of my experiences and experiments I can know within myself that I stepped up to address my fears and made the adjustments to my mind and belief set to not run and hide.

Image from Google

I am beginning to work to change my language around what I can and can’t do and I have my dream world and dedicated work within it and outside of it to thank for it. It has taught me about the incredible power of the subconscious and my intuition and creative potential to implant, to program and to explore different ideas and dynamics inside a container built by me and expanded on by the unconscious. 

It is a symbiosis

My focus has mostly been on coming to the belief that as a writer of any form I am a channel. Now I am re-framing it to look beyond that to what awaits me beyond the physical and being an explorer of the ASTRAL LANDSCAPES. This time I'm consciously looking at what that would look like as a witch and a writer. It has already opened up a whole world of thinking and reflecting for me and tugged the story rug from underneath me. Now I just need to climb on board and ride it !!

Exploring the Shifting the Story Spread - Part 1: Writing Yourself into the cards

A few days ago I shared a spread that has been an awakening both to my creativity, a door way into working with my subconscious and an exercise in shifting stagnant and resistant energy that has been stored in me for years.

Check out the spread here : Shifting the Story Spread

With the encouragement, support and community of courageous soul explorers I continue to work to create healing opportunities for fellow tarot lovers, writers, artist and all creators.  I truly felt the shift for everyone who took the time to play with the spread and venture into the shadowy depths of their psyche and beliefs.

Guided from my own use of the spread, and receptivity for healing I decided to take the spread deeper and unfold the layers to investigate different ways to approach the journaling questions and reflect on what comes up with each question and card.

Today I am sharing with you an exercise I did to write myself into the spread that allows the card to write itself into my current story. I like the back and forth relationship that unfolds between the energy, images and response that I get with each card.

My hope is that you may find something that can aid in taking your relationship with your story to the next level to uncover what is hidden and waiting.

What is the most prominent story playing out in my life right now?

For this exercise the first thing that I like to do is let my subconscious mind know that I am looking for the story not the divinatory meaning. I tell it that knowing what the card means can come later after I have impressed my own meanings onto the card. I can always go into the guidebook or universal understanding of it later if I want to seek out a specific idea or message that comes up in the exercise.  

I find it helps to give the story a title. Go off what you see immediately, or a feeling that it gives you. Once the title is set, I set a timer for 15-20 minutes to aid my mind in knowing it doesn’t have to have the full ‘novel’ of the the specific life issue or story written down, I only need an entrance, a snippet and to start free-writing.

I shift into placing myself in the body of the character, animal or object that I see in the card. If you don’t identify strongly with the character it can be fun to experiment with giving a life and a voice to an object or animal. For my example below I resonated with the man in the image.

When the timer goes off I allow myself the space from the session. You want to come back to it with fresh eyes when you work with the next layer: Creating and communing with the character in your card. If you want to continue writing or looking at different angles this would be a great time to see how many perspectives and voices can offer you different or unanimous messages. You don’t need to stop putting yourself in the cards. You could do one to begin with to test then it out, or do them all. Do whatever feels right for you.

If by chance you find yourself creating a character or that a character begins to speak let whatever comes naturally during the process happen. Sometimes when I work with the cards a persona steps in and I need to work with it rather than the ideal perspective of who I am right now.

Here are some questions that may help you put yourself in the card.

* Who are you in the card? Are you in your female or male aspect?

*What do you see in the card that you also see in your life right now?

*How do your surroundings mimic what you see in the card?

The breaking of the cords

I stand upon the dock as the wild, untamed and turbulent ocean crashes around me making the decking slippery. Salt touches my boot and wet’s my Fox foot, the part of me that is animal and yearns to run wild and away from the reality that I don’t want to see behind me.

Two ships are passing, carried along by the ripples, their masts still in shape, the bottle blue water bringing their dirty sails flapping like birds facing their escape. I feel as if I have been hiding from those ships my whole life. I feel the illusion of joy when I choose to stay on slippery ground, and on the land. Hiding behind the pentacles of commitment and negating my self love. While on the other hand I battle between the spiritual calling screaming inside me and the physicality of survival.

 In this card I am the rescuer, trying to save both of the coins when I know I only can only carry the weight of one of them. It demands decision and I want to drop them both in the ocean right now. If I do I could start a new life, but the story goes that I have always chosen the stone of sacrifice, to carry the burden of both frames of mind and turn them over in turmoil never knowing if the right pentacle was the right choice.

 I always choose sacrifice over my health. People need me more than I need them and that scares me, and sometimes I need people more than they need me. I come to the pentacles for both inner and outer balance.

I am dressed today in my earthy garb of red and brown. I am warm enough and secure. My hat is already growing roots that are expanding beyond the storm and into the sky, putting out branches and feelers for divine guidance. I am looking into the future, a seer, a prophet only in this state of indecision my foresight is foggy like the mists of the sea.

 I spend too much time living in the frame of mind where I question what my future might be like, rather than what is my present. I am looking at what could be. I know if I don’t make a choice and make a change I will spend eternity looking into the future telling myself “One day.”

One day I will leave this relationship.

One day I will create.

One day I will raise my voice.

The storm behind me is a reminder that even in the chaos there are choices to be made and I need to make one.

Do I go it alone [am I ever truly alone?]

Do I need to learn to start rescuing me rather than living a life rescuing others?

Do I need to allow time to recover or wait for the ships to pass me by or the ocean to pull me under because I am paralysed and cannot move?

Do I invest in myself and my resources {where I have a voice} or resist my voice and live in scarcity, in panic because I am scared of the future, and walking it in with my divinity and my power?

One thread, one cord has already been torn, detached from my body and my life while I have been waiting to make a choice. It has been carried away into the ocean and I can never get it back. It has been released, it is free. I am entirely now fixated on the thread and have forgotten the pentacles and the ability I have to choose. Just one is all I need; Just one.