I
have spent a lot of time lately thinking about what the difference is between gossiping
and discussion. We have all
grown up in a culture that at most times does not know the difference, and when
we say that we are no longer going to gossip, we end up making commitments with
ourselves that we cannot keep, and then we begin to shame ourselves and others
for trying to understand where we went wrong in the first place.
This
‘we’ is part and parcel with gossip itself. How can I speak for the collective
of the world when all I have done is observe,
connect and hone in on my own experience with humanity if only at its surface
level?
I
believe it is because the term ‘I’ has become rooted in the world of ego and
selfishness; instead of digging deeper and changing perspective so that ‘I’ is
less about validation and showcasing, and truly about centering yourself and
sharing your experience with another person, we as a collective choose to see
that a person who thinks of ‘I’ is narcissistic and self important. Many times this has been the case in my
experience.
I know from my early teenage years to now that
I was and can still be a queen of gossip. A lot of times if I look deep within,
whenever I chatted to my friends or family, it was to discuss hatred, pain, sadness,
distain, jealousy, envy, and real ugliness towards a situation or person, or
even myself. It was far easier to
comment on someone else’s drama filled life than to hone in and focus on what
was really going on in mine – what was being mirrored back, what I was
projecting and why.
Granted we all know people or are people of generations
where this was a socially acceptable means of connecting and relating. If we
talked about what was good in our life, most times friends or family would
smile and congratulate us, but be seething inside, and you’d hear about it on
the grapevine that people had been talking about you, and not to you –
embellishing with negativity about their response to your happiness. There is
no room for this mentality anymore. Not when we become conscious of what we are
doing, and the truth that we may not want to face.
We can have discussions,
filled with love, and compassion and passion without talking about other people
at all.
[Yes, no one else is involved
in this conversation – just you and the other person] and nor there needs to be
because…
What
other people think of you is none of your business. What people think in
general is none of your business. Only what you think is your business and your
responsibility. The same goes for your situations. You choose everything you
do, and every experience you have had, are having and will have was down to the
choices YOU made. Rather than externalize and dramatize those choices, or more
so the choices that people have made around you, for you, go inwards and begin
to trust yourself to seek validation, and the truth about your life.
I
have realized recently that I rarely need to talk at all. The answers I need
for problem solving turn up in logical [S.M.AR.T] or lateral [dreams,
synchronistic signs] ways, and from fact, which brings me to my next point.
The
difference between gossip and discussion [In my own opinion]
GOSSIP = the person/People
you are talking about are not present [physically or verbally]
DISCUSSION= the person/people
are present and can speak up for themselves about themselves.
When
we choose too gossip we deceiving ourselves and others. When we gossip we:
Thought stack – create stories on top of
stories through fear
Pontificate – become obsessed with other
people and their thoughts
Expect – create
unreasonable/unreachable expectations on ourselves and others as a mechanism
for control
Assume – without even listening to
the other person we have our thoughts about them decided. There is a difference
between intuition and assuming. Feel through this, which feels lighter for you?
When we assume we misjudge people and circumstances that are none of our
business to begin with.
Slander – lower the vibration between
us. Create a wave of negativity towards a person. Lie, and show ourselves in a
poor light, and create a circle that feeds back on itself.
What if we took the power out of Gossip and
slander? I trust that relationships will disintegrate, and your own inner power
will grow stronger without the need or the vibration frequency that you involve
yourself in. You may be with someone and not talk, there may be lulls of
silence where you struggle to respond or continue a conversation. You may not
even need to start one. However if you are struggling with the concept here are
two ways you can address your perception, and begin your journal of being Gossip
free.
I
feel
This
is where I’m at personally…
We can only talk about ourselves when it comes
to what we feel, and where we are at. By approaching conversation and deep
discussion one on one, person to person, self to self, I believe we can raise
our vibrations, and make communicating and connecting with love and healthy
boundaries possible. This gives space for self love, and a clearer, way to
respond to our inner and outer world. Through this form of discussion we can go
straight to the source [first source and seek:
Fact:
Get
the fact(s) straight from the source’s mouth, and express your own without
resorting to using people or situations as blame chains or scapegoats
Inner
Truth: what resonates with us and our journey towards
evolution and empowerment?
Clarity:
Transparency comes from speaking your own inner truth about how you are
feeling, where you are at, where you are heading in relation to the particular
situation or person? It comes back to the saying about our relationship with GOD or the UNIVERSE is between God and the Universe, the same applies here
with the people we are in discussion with.
Responsibility:
It
means taking responsibility for your life and the choices you make and owning
it 100%. Letting go of blame, and projecting, and beginning a journey with
yourself which will lead to stronger self power and love [not to mention
healthy boundaries] nothing someone has done to you was done solely on their
own terms. Without boundaries we let people take our responsibility from us.
Answers:
We get answers directly. The response may or may not be what we want to hear,
but it is deep, raw and honest.
It is up to fact,
inner truth [intuition] our own inner clarity
from present and past experience and responsibility
to accept and embrace what we are being told, and to give people the choice to
respond in their own way. This is a sign of respect, of honoring people enough
to talk to them directly. To listen, observe, hone in and let go of the need to
rescue or betray others and yourself. It
is a shift in consciousness that will take practice, and inner trust, the
rewards though will be beautiful, and will create a movement that will change
our inner worlds and the way we relate and evolve.
How do you feel about Gossip?What would you recommend to create healthy discussions to engage with those around you?
